


First Choice

by Pearl_Unplanned



Series: Cap_Ironman Bingo 2017 [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cap_Ironman Bingo, Established Relationship, Established Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, OC children - Freeform, Some angst, Stony Bingo, Tony & the Avengers friendship, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-21 10:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11942358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearl_Unplanned/pseuds/Pearl_Unplanned
Summary: If the whole system went down, then Steve woulddie, and he’d rather have Steve happy and alive andunconsciousthan brain-dead andgone. He’d rather never see those blue eyes of Steve’s than know that he didn’t prevent his lover’s death.Steve is stuck in a virtual reality that no one can wake him up from—if they try, he'll die. Tony's ready to wait for his husband, because he'd doanythingfor Steve... even if it means letting him go—letting him live the perfect life that the virtual reality put him in, with Peggy and a family and everything Tony couldn't give him. The only way for Steve to escape the virtual reality is towake up. Problem is, he doesn't know that the virtual reality isn'treal.





	1. If You Love Me (Let Me Go)

**Author's Note:**

> O3 (free space) on the [Bingo Board (re-uploaded)](https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/pearl_unplanned/76007684/766/766_original.png)

 

            It had been a long and exhausting day at work, what with having to deal with so many government agents and generals and everyone else who had an idea of what he should or shouldn’t be allowed to do while donning his Captain America suit, but even after everything that he’d been through, he’d do it again just to be able to home to someone so wonderful.

            Steve paused at the door, once more having a strange feeling that there was something wrong. But no, what could be wrong today? Life was so absolutely _perfect_. As he turned the doorknob and opened the large, oak door, Steve called out, “Honey, I’m home!”

            He wasn’t expecting his lover to come running over to greet him, no. They’d never really been very touchy-feely with one another, but he was okay with that. It was just part of who they were. No, there were others that he was expecting to come running over to greet him.

            Two children raced around the corner from where they were more than probably in the kitchen. The elder of the two, a little boy with dark hair and light eyes, screamed, “Papa!” as he ran over to Steve. Kneeling down, he hugged the little boy tightly. The little girl, about a year and a half younger, had dark hair and dark eyes and a bright, cheerful grin.

            “Hey babies,” Steve murmured, kissing both of their heads. “How’s your day been?”

            “We’re making _cookies_ ,” the little girl said. Her little dress was splattered with enough flour and batter for Steve to have been able to come to that conclusion on his own. “Wanna help?”

            “Of course I do,” Steve said, closing the door before he let his children lead him over to the kitchen. God, he loved them with all of his heart and was so thrilled to have them in his life. For a while he’d thought that they’d never settle down and have a family, but now? Now not only did he have a _family_ , but his whole life just seemed…

            Perfect.

            “I was wondering if those generals would ever let you leave,” was his only greeting when he walked into the kitchen. He grinned, giving his lover a kiss before he picked up the tiny blonde haired little girl who was at his feet.

            The _wrong_ feeling inside of him was pushed away when his pregnant wife grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to kiss him.

            Steve smiled against her lips, trying to extend the kiss for as long as he could. “I love you so much, Peggy.”

 

            Tony hadn’t moved from the chair that he’d sat down in the day previous. It had taken only a couple of hours from him to go from talking nonstop to just sitting in silence, curled up as tightly as he could be. His face wasn’t nearly as red under his eyes as it had been the previous night, but the dark circles under his eyes had gotten darker.

            It felt like it was all his fault. There wasn’t a single thing that he could do that would make a difference, and being the genius that he was, he wasn’t ready to accept that. He _wanted_ to do something, _needed_ to, but couldn’t… because there was nothing that _could_ be done.

            There wasn’t a damn thing he could do, and it drove him crazy.

            Tony barely even glanced over at Bruce when he walked into the room. After doing his routine check of the machines, he wandered over and knelt down beside Tony.

            “I know that this isn’t what you want to hear, but I really do think that you should come get some food, maybe go get a shower and a couple hours of sleep on a _bed_ ,” Bruce said calmly, and Tony frowned at him when he placed a hand on his knee. “This isn’t healthy, and it’s not what you want to hear, but sitting here staring at him isn’t going to help.”

            “What do you know?” Tony muttered, pressing his face further into the chair. “It’s not like you have a better solution.”

            It wasn’t fair to Bruce, he knew that it wasn’t fair. There was nothing that _anyone_ could do, which meant that getting mad at Bruce… It wasn’t fair. Tony sighed, but there wasn’t anything that he could say to his friend right now. Luckily, he seemed to understand.

            “How about this—I’ll bring some food up here for you, okay? Then you don’t have to leave just yet. But once you’re done eating, you _have_ to go get a shower and at _least_ a couple hours of sleep, understood?” Bruce said in a way that told Tony there was no other option. “One of us will always be in here. He won’t be alone.”

            Tony had to take a deep breath to hold back the sob that wanted to escape. His eyes wandered back over to the still form lying in the bed. Every one of the machines was hooked up to him, including the one damn thing that was poisoning his mind. He hadn’t moved in four days now. At least, four days since they’d brought him back to the tower, but… no one knew how long it had truly been since he’d even opened his eyes.

            For the first two days Tony had been holed up in the lab, trying to figure out exactly how he was able to help. When he and Bruce came to the same conclusion that they’d been told—if you disconnect the machine from him now, it’ll severely injure his brain to the point where he won’t be anything more than a vegetable, without even a thought, but at least now he’s still _alive_ and there’s still the slightest sliver of _hope_ in Tony’s mind. After that, he’d ranted and raved and screamed and cried and _nothing_ woke him up.

            Now, he just sat and stared and waited and _hoped_.

            “I can do that,” Tony said, giving in. It wasn’t like he had any other choice. As Bruce left the room, Tony turned his attention back to the blond super-soldier in the bed. There was just one thing that Tony wanted at the moment—for Steve to open his eyes. If he opened his eyes, maybe then he’d finally just _wake up again_.

            “I’m sorry,” Tony whispered, but he couldn’t even bring himself to hold Steve’s hand anymore. It didn’t _work_. “I’m so sorry… but I’m not ready to give up if you aren’t.”

            He prayed for an answer, but he knew that he wouldn’t get one.

 

            “So how was your day?” Peggy asked. She was pulling the sheets of cookies out of the oven while Steve was getting the children into their chairs.

            “Busy,” Steve groaned. “They… they’re trying to get me out overseas again, Peg.”

            “But Papa,” his son, Michael, spoke up. “You can’t go!”

            “I won’t, baby, I promise,” he said quickly, not wanting to worry the children. “They’re just talking about it. but I get the final say. They just think that I’ll be enough to rally the troops a bit, bring up their spirits.”

            “But they’re not going to _make_ you leave, right?” Peggy asked, placing the cookies down onto the table before she wrapped her arms around him. Steve smiled and turned around, stealing another kiss from her as he placed a hand onto her enlarged belly. They were expecting their fourth child, and he was _thrilled_.

            He’d always wanted a large family. When Peggy had decided that she was ready, the two of them started a family. While she wasn’t happy about not being allowed out on the field, she was happy about the kids. Steve could see that they made her just as happy as they made him.

            “They can’t make me do anything,” Steve pointed out. When anyone tried to _force_ him, they found out very quickly that ‘forcing him’ to do anything wasn’t going to happen. “I’m too busy with the family to go to war right now. You guys need me more than they do.”

            “We need you, Papa,” Mary said. When his eyes met those of his daughter, there was that feeling inside. He knew that he couldn’t leave them—that’s why he was so worried. That _wrong_ feeling must’ve come from the thought of having to leave his family.

            His family… For a second, Steve looked around at the smiling faces and didn’t recognize a single one of them. Bringing a hand up to his head, Steve groaned.

            “Another headache?” Peggy asked, though the pain faded when she kissed his cheek.

            “It’s nothing,” he murmured, smiling at her. “They’ve just been a bit more frequent lately, that’s all. “Ever since I… I took the plane down.”

            The plane. He crashed it, back in ’44, and then… and then…

            “I’m still sorry that it took a whole week to track you down,” Peggy said. Yeah, a week after he’d crashed the plane, they’d found him frozen in the ice. Peggy had been devastated, but he’d healed up pretty quickly. And after that… Things had been wonderful.

            “It’s not your fault,” Steve said. “You found me, Peggy.” _It felt like… like years._ “You found me.”

            Something inside told him that it had been longer than a week, but… he believed her. He believed her as much as he loved her.

 

            “Rest is important,” Bucky gently reminded Tony as he helped him out of the chair. The poor man didn’t look like he wanted to even stand up, let alone leave the room, but it was vital that he did. He needed to keep up with his health—if he sat around and didn’t sleep and drove himself crazy with worry, then he was just going to make himself sick.

            “I know,” Tony mumbled. He looked so heartbroken. Bucky wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Tony look so _broken_ before—the closest he’d come to it was when Steve had been injured real badly and had to stay in the medical wing for a week. It had been really bad, and Bucky understood his concern then, but…

            This was a completely different situation. Steve wasn’t just _hurt_ , he was… Bucky patted Tony’s shoulder before backing up and letting Bruce lead him out of the room. He turned his attention back to his friend, who still hadn’t moved an inch.

            At first, Bucky hadn’t understood what was going on. All that he knew was that Steve was lying unconscious in a bed and there wasn’t _anything_ that would be able to wake him up. Or, rather, nothing _they_ did could wake him up.

            Bruce had explained it all to him. The machine that had been attached to his head was keeping him trapped in what the doctor had called a ‘virtual simulation.’ It wasn’t real, it was just something that was keeping him trapped and unconscious. The man who’d done it was trying to get rid of him, but in a humane way—he wasn’t going to _kill_ Captain America, he was just going to trap him in a fake world where he wouldn’t be able to escape from. If he died it was only because the Avengers had unplugged the machine.

            The worst part of the virtual world, though, was the fact that the man had built a monitor to make sure that the world was just as happy and wonderful as it was supposed to be.

            He’d put Steve in a world where he hadn’t been frozen for seventy years, where he’d instead married Peggy and had a family with her and…

            Bucky made Tony stop watching the virtual simulation. In that world, Steve didn’t know that anything was any different. He believed that the world he was in was the real world, because of the way that the simulation was set up. It was like he’d never been frozen, he’d never met the Avengers…

            He knew that it devastated Tony, seeing Steve so happy with someone else. Getting him to turn the monitor off had been the best decision. It was hard for Bucky to not turn it back on, though, and see exactly what was going on. In that virtual world, Steve had the family that Bucky knew he always wanted. He had Peggy back—not _really_ , but he thought that he did. He had the life that he was probably dreaming of back before, when they were in the war together.

            “Stevie… I don’t know how you’re going to wake yourself up, but you need to do it sometime soon,” Bucky whispered, taking his friend’s hand. “Tony needs you now more than ever. You’ve got such an incredible life here, and you don’t even know that the one you think you’re living is fake.”

            Steve didn’t move. He hadn’t moved in quite a while. Bucky had gone from angry—destroying everything in the gym—to sad—watching over Steve every moment that Tony wasn’t in the room, while he was still working himself sick and insisting that he could find a way to wake him up—to… _numb_. That’s all he felt right now. Numb.

            “I know that the life that man gave you is wonderful and happy and everything you ever wanted, back in the war,” Bucky continued, sighing. “But you’ve got to remember what you said about this life. You’ve never been happier—I’ve seen it. When you were chasing after Peggy, you just had a crush on her. What you’ve got here with Tony… Steve, I’ve never seen you in love until I saw you with Tony.”

            But Steve didn’t answer him. Once he was sure that Tony wasn’t going to be running back into the room anytime soon, Bucky turned the monitor on with the volume on low, needing to make sure that his friend was okay. When he turned the monitor on, though… It was just like before. Three kids, fourth on the way, a happy life with Peggy.

            Bucky sighed, flipping the monitor off again. “I know they said there’s a chance that you’d never wake up again, but I know you. You’d never leave Tony behind, and one of these days you’re going to realize that what’s going on in your head isn’t real.”

 

            “I’ve missed this,” Peggy whispered, snuggling up against his side. Steve just smiled, keeping his arms wrapped around her. Every day that he was with her felt even better than the last, because she was by his side. He’d promised her forever… Their wedding day was perfect. He’d had this brilliant white suit with that bright gold tie that made the gold in those brown eyes of his sparkle… wait. Peggy had been wearing a white dress, not a suit and tie…

            His head hurt again. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was getting such bad headaches, but it had been happening more and more frequently in the past couple… couple… days? Weeks? He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t be sure exactly how long he’d been having these horrid headaches, but they were starting to make him see things.

            “I told you that I’d be back eventually,” Steve said, kissing her cheek. “And I told _them_ that they’re not sending me out to war. I’ve put my time in, and now I’m enjoying every moment that I can with my family.”

            “Not everyone is happy with that,” Peggy muttered. “You know, Stark called me again, wanting to show you more of those crazy inventions that he was making.”

            “Sounds just like Tony,” Steve chuckled. He was always making such incredible inventions, ones that amazed him. Before they met, he didn’t realize that one man was able to be that smart, so… perfect.

            “Who’s that? Steve, Stark’s name is _Howard_ ,” Peggy said, sitting up and looking at him funny.

            “That’s… what I said, didn’t I?” Steve asked, confused. Howard had been helping him out back in the war, and while they weren’t exactly _close_ , that didn’t mean that they weren’t friends. Howard was a good man.

            “You said Tony, not Howard. Is he someone that you met in the past few days, one of the men who’s trying to send you back out to the war?” Peggy asking, snuggling back up against his side again.

            “…Yeah, that must be it,” Steve said, unsure why the name was giving him that strange feeling again. Something was wrong here. Where did he know that name? He wasn’t sure, but the name made his head start hurting again. He just had to stop thinking about that name so that his head would stop hurting.

            “Honey,” Peggy whispered. “Please… I need to know that you’re never going to leave me. Understand? We have _children_ , Steve, and a fourth on the way… if you leave, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

            “You’re a strong woman, Peggy. Everything will be fine,” Steve promised. It was one of the reasons he loved her so much—she was strong and independent, but she still loved him and let him care for her whenever… whenever he spent too much time in the lab, or forgot to take care of himself, or when he decided to go all-out with things that didn’t need that much care and attention but he overthought every detail and… Who was he talking about? Not Peggy. “But I’m not going to leave. I’ll find a job in the city, and I’ll stick around here. We’ll raise our children, and everything will be okay. Don’t you trust me?”

            “Of course I do,” Peggy replied. “Sometimes I just worry about you… after all, what if… what if something bad happens?”

            “Nothing will happen,” Steve said, yawning. When he made a promise, he kept that promise. Just like he was always going to keep his promise to love and be there for his husband… his wife. Peggy was his _wife_. What was wrong with him?

 

            “I know that Bruce doesn’t think you can hear a word I say, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to continue to try and see if you can… can maybe hear me,” Tony said. This time, instead of taking up residence in the chair that was far away from the bed, Tony had dragged it over so that he could hold Steve’s hand again.

            It wasn’t like his hands were cold, because they weren’t. When Steve had been in the medical wing for over a week, his hands had been freezing for the first two days. On the third day, though, when he’d woken up, his hands had started regaining the ‘I’m not dying of blood loss’ warmth that they used to have. Steve’s hands were still warm right now, despite being unconscious.

            Tony ran his fingers across the man’s upturned palm, tracing the lines of his skin. “I really do miss hearing the sound of your voice, you know. It’s one of your best assets…”

            Tony chuckled, taking the super-soldier’s hand and pressing a kiss to it.

            “I know that we got off on the wrong foot at first… y’know, back when we first started dating. When I learned that you thought I was only interested in you because you’re a super-soldier… I wasn’t even sure what to think. I was stuck between thinking you didn’t really want to be in a relationship after all, what I’d been fearing the _entire_ time, and… honestly, it was pretty funny, because it made sense why you’d been trying to keep me in bed so much,” Tony laughed. Steve looked like he’d insulted him by saying that he thought Tony had wanted a friends-with-benefits sort of relationship, and Tony had just been thrilled at the fact Steve really _did_ want to be with him.

            “After that day… I don’t think I’ve ever questioned your love for me after that day. I was a little worried, sometimes, that we might not work out… after the two of us fought, I was worried that you’d go running for the hills because you would’ve seen the fact that… that I wasn’t good enough,” Tony whispered, choking back another sob. He was strong, he was done crying. “But then I realized that you always came back, no matter what I said, or did… because you did love me.”

            The quiet beeping of the heartrate monitor was nearly deafening, but… Tony had been the one who insisted that they kept it on. He needed to know that Steve was still alive, that his heart was still beating. It wasn’t necessary anymore, because he wasn’t in any danger, but… it was comforting.

            “And ever since then, I haven’t ever questioned you love for me. I know that you never once questioned the fact that I love you, not after we started officially dating—once we both knew that we wanted this to be permanent, everything was… was _perfect_ ,” Tony whispered. It was more than perfect. He’d never been so happy—he’d never been so truly in love.

            But this was more than just the two of them. This was something bigger, something larger than just the two of them.

            “And the thing is, Steve,” Tony continued, “that I love you so much… that I’ve realized something. I’ve never loved someone more than I love you, and I never will again. At least… I’m not now. I knew that it was going to be an issue when we were… when we spoke about the future. I know you wanted kids, and I… I was worried that it would come between us.

            “But then you brought the adoptions papers home, and… and I really thought that we were going to start a family in a different way,” Tony said, gripping Steve’s hand tightly. “We were going to share our love with kids who… who weren’t able to have loving families already. But now… I can’t do that without you, Steve. I’m not going to give up on you, ever, but…

            “I’ve thought about this a lot. We never… No one’s ever going to be able to unhook this machine. If the power goes out, it’s got an automatic, reactor-driven power source to keep it going. I know you’re alive, I know you’re well, and I know that… I know that you’re happy.” This time there were tears in his eyes. “I know that you’re happy, and that’s… that’s enough for me, you know? That’s all I’ve ever wanted—for you to be happy. And I know… I know that you’re happy right now. I can feel it—you’re relaxed, you’re not in pain, you’ve always got the hint of a smile on those beautiful lips of yours. And you’re… you’re with your first love. You’ve got the family that you’ve always dreamed about, and while I know that it isn’t real… it’s real for _you_. Everything that’s going on is real for you, and that’s what matters here.

            “So… I’m always going to be here to remind you that if—when you decide to wake up, I’ll still be here, but… if you don’t wake up, I need you to know that your own happiness is enough for me. It always has been. You understand? Y-you’ve got a family who needs you there, and a family who will _always_ be here for you here. So I’ll still be here, but you need to know that it’s okay…”

            Tony stood up, never once letting go of Steve’s hand as he leaned in to kiss his husband. “It’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll take care of this family for you until you come home. I promise.”


	2. Hold On (Don't Let Go)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve knows something's wrong, but he can't figure out _what._ All he wants to know is who _Tony_ is, but Peggy won't tell him.  
>  Tony, on the other hand, learns something new about the family that he's not even sure he's ever going to have—something that makes him hold onto hope even more. The real issue is that the system might be failing, and if it does, Steve will be lost forever.

 

            Something was definitely wrong. While he couldn’t place a finger on what it was, Steve knew that something wasn’t right. When he woke up, there was this feeling on his lips, like… he couldn’t explain it. There was something wrong, there was something missing, and yet he couldn’t explain _what_ it was.

            Steve gently rocked his youngest child, little Susan, back and forth. She’d fallen asleep in his arms. Peggy was reading a storybook to Mary and Michael on the other couch, while Steve was just sitting back to watch. Something had felt wrong since he’d woken up, and it was starting to drive him crazy.

            “Peggy?” he spoke up before he could stop himself. “W-where’s Bucky? He hasn’t been around since I’ve gotten back, but… he was… a few weeks ago, he was…”

            “Steve,” Peggy said calmly, standing up and walking over to him. Mary and Michael looked at him with wide eyes. “Steve, darling, back in the war… Bucky _died_ , remember?”

            He fell off of the train, during that one mission after it had gone so horribly wrong. “I-I remember now. Sorry, sometimes I just… I could’ve sworn I just saw him not that long ago.”

            “Being around soldiers will make you think that sometimes,” Peggy said, giving him a quick kiss before going back to the other couch to continue reading to her children.

            “And what about…?” He wanted to ask about Bruce, or Clint or Natasha or Sam or… He wanted to ask about Tony. He _really_ wanted to ask about Tony. But he couldn’t figure out who they were or why he wanted to know so badly. He couldn’t place the names or the faces or anything.

            “Hmm?” Peggy spoke up. Just for a second, she didn’t look like Peggy anymore. She looked like… he wasn’t sure. She looked like a stranger.

            “Nothing,” he said quickly. He went back to gently rocking his daughter, whispering about how much he loved her. But when he gently carded his fingers through her hair… for a second, it looked like her hair fell right through his fingers— _through_ them. Like he hadn’t been touching her at all. Shaking his head, he pressed a kiss to his youngest’s forehead.

            Something was missing. He had his whole family here—Peggy and Michael and Mary and Susan and… There was something missing. Something was wrong.

            “Papa?” Susan whispered, looking up at him. Her light eyes flickered back between blue and green, just for a second.

            “Everything’s fine,” he whispered. Something was wrong, and he was going to figure out what.

 

            “I know that this isn’t what you want to hear about right now,” Natasha said, her fingers gracing his shoulders, “but the adoption agency was calling again. They didn’t want to say anything to us because they’re only allowed to discuss things with you and… They wanted you to call them back sometime. I can understand if you don’t want to talk with them—I’ll tell them not to call back if you want me to.”

            “No, I’ll just… next time they call, could someone tell me? I have to talk with them,” Tony said, sighing. He turned his attention back over to the toaster, waiting for his blueberry bagel to toast. Clint was sitting with Steve right now, which gave him a chance to go get some food. It had been two weeks now, and while he still spent most of his time in the room with Steve, he was more willing to go and get some food or go get a shower every once in a while.

            Natasha didn’t say a word, but she did hug him tightly. While the Avengers had started off pretty rocky, they’d really grown close and become the family that Tony had never expected to have.

            “I’m sorry,” Natasha whispered, though she didn’t have to. Everyone was sorry that Steve was stuck in an unconscious state for what may have been the rest of his life, but it wasn’t like they caused it to happen.

            Tony froze when Bucky came running into the room. “Tony—”

            “What’s wrong?” he asked, putting his coffee cup down.

            “Clint was watching him, a-and he was frowning so we turned the monitor on and…” Tony hurried after Bucky down the hallway. “I don’t know if there was something wrong with the screen or something but it looked like there was a-a _glitch_ or something. Just for a couple seconds—uh, green numbers that looked like some sort of code that you and Bruce normally work with—”

            “The system _can’t_ glitch,” Tony muttered, racing over to the monitor.

            “It’s not doing anything anymore, it was just… just a moment,” Clint said. He looked worried, like it was his fault that it had happened just because he happened to be the one with Steve at the time.

            “I’ll see if I can look through the code, make sure the system’s still functioning like it should be,” Tony assured him, patting Clint’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, Clint, it wasn’t your fault. Things happen, and I’ll just… keep anything bad from happening, okay? It’ll all be fine.”

            The archer nodded, but he still looked worried. Tony quickly plugged a device in and started going through the data, trying to figure out what might’ve caused a glitch.

            If the whole system went down, then Steve would _die_ , and he’d rather have Steve happy and alive and _unconscious_ than brain-dead and _gone_. He’d rather never see those blue eyes of Steve’s than know that he didn’t prevent his lover’s death.

            As he ran through the data, he wasn’t seeing anything that was wrong. When Natasha brought his bagel in, he migrated over to his chair and kept going through the data as he ate.

            “It really doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong… perhaps it was just the screen?” Tony asked, looking over to his team. It definitely didn’t look like Clint thought that.

            “It looked more like… the simulation,” Clint mumbled.

            “Whatever it was, it’s not showing up in the data, so… things seem to look okay from this end,” Tony said, putting the tablet down before he leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lover’s lips. “Don’t worry Steve, I’ll keep protecting you from this end. Just don’t stop fighting it, okay? For me?”

            That frowning look that he had on his face was gone, and Tony was thankful. He didn’t like that look.

            “I’ll keep an eye on him for a while, okay? I’ll just talk with him, see if the glitch happens again or if everything’s evened out. It might’ve been because of the move, or he might finally be reacting to voices—I’d prefer the second, and I’m going to see if it happens again.” Tony smiled at his team. “Clint, stop frowning. You didn’t do anything wrong—sometimes things just happen. It’ll be okay, you’ll see.”

            “I still can’t believe that it just…” Clint sighed. “You really think that it was because he was reacting to voices? ‘Cause every time I’m here I always make sure to talk to him and I really hope… I hope he can hear us.”

            “He can,” Tony said, because if he stopped believing that, then he would be completely hopeless. “I know he can. He can hear us, and eventually he’s gonna… wake up.”

            Tony grinned at him, because if he didn’t… they’d see through his cheerful act.

            “If they call back,” Natasha said, “I’ll make sure you know. Okay?”

            “Thank you,” Tony said, snuggling back up into his chair. He kept ahold of one of Steve’s hands and pressed a kiss to his palm. They were going to start a family… and there was still a chance that they would. All Steve had to do was wake up.

 

            Work seemed to go by in a blur. He couldn’t really concentrate all that much, and he didn’t remember most of what those generals and government agents were talking to him about. The only good thing about the day up until he left was the fact that there was a taste of blueberries on his lips, and… why did he like blueberries so much? It was familiar.

            But when he went home, after a long day of working, he didn’t have any time to think about blueberries. No, because the baby was being fussy and the older two were driving their mother crazy and Peggy was grouchy and in pain and life was just all-around exhausting.

            He loved it. Every second of having a family was just incredible, something he wasn’t sure that Peggy would ever want. But then she just suddenly changed her mind and they started a family and he _loved_ it.

            There was only one problem. That _wrong_ feeling inside of him only got worse by the day, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the man with the brown eyes with gold flecks… Whenever he looked at Peggy, sometimes he saw _him_ instead of her.

            There had to be something wrong with him, but he just wasn’t ready to tell Peggy about it. Not yet. He didn’t want her to worry, he didn’t want anyone to worry about the fact that he was seeing things and forgetting things and remembering names and faces that didn’t exist.

            The biggest issue was when everyone was busy. Everything just… stopped for a second. There were green numbers—ones and zeroes—that were all over _everything_ , his wife, his children, even himself. But in a split second, it was all gone, right back to normal.

            If he told anyone about this, they’d think he was crazy.

            “Peggy, I was thinking about maybe making a blueberry pie for dessert tonight,” Steve said when they finally got some peace—Mary was helping Susan learn how to draw better, and Michael was playing with some of his toy cars.

            “Blueberry pie? I didn’t know you liked blueberries,” Peggy said. “I’ll start on it now.”

            “No, I can make it. You’ve already got enough that you’re dealing with,” Steve said quickly. He loved cooking and baking, but Peggy was always trying to do that for him. Back in the wartime she’d admitted to him just how horrible of a cook she was, but that must’ve been a lie because she was _incredible_. All of her cooking though meant that he never had a chance to do any. She’d never let him take the load off her shoulders, though.

            “Please, darling, it’s not a problem,” Peggy said, giving him a quick kiss. “I’ll do that, you just go relax. You’ve had a long, hard day at work. It’s the least I could do as your wife.”

            In his mind, that sounded wrong. _Wife_. Every time Peggy said it, Steve wanted to correct her with _husband_. But she was right, she was his wife. Something was wrong.

            What was weirder than the numbers was that he could swear that he was hearing things. _It’ll be alright, babe_ and _we’re all still waiting for you_ and _I’ll be here when you wake up_ and _I’ll always love you, I hope you know that._ It wasn’t Peggy, it was his brown-eyed fella. He knew so.

            “Peggy, where’s Tony?” He couldn’t help it. he needed to know.

            “Tony who?” Peggy asked, though there was a look of concern on her face. There was something that she wasn’t telling him.

            “Tony… Tony… I don’t know. Where is he? I-I have to see him, Peg.” He didn’t want to beg, but it wasn’t that he had to see the man. It was that he _needed_ to. There was a desire, sharp and unknown yet still familiar. He needed Tony and he hadn’t seen him in so long.

            “I don’t know anyone named Tony,” Peggy said calmly. “And neither do you, Steve.” Before he could say more, she added, “Go check on the children, darling. They need you. _We_ need you.”

            He slowly nodded before leaving the room. She was hiding something, yes, but she was right: their children did need him. But that didn’t change the whispered promises of love and the lingering taste of blueberries.

 

            “So I know you only put in your application a month ago, and normally these things take a lot longer to process, but a child has come into our custody that we this would be perfect for your family. In the best interests of the child, that is—he seems to have developed some type of mutant abilities, and letting him go to an orphanage would be irresponsible due to his… abilities. I know that it’s a lot to think about, and so suddenly, I’m sure you two weren’t expecting that, but I do hope you consider the idea. He isn’t ready yet, there’s still a lot of paperwork that needs to go through and if you think that your home would be the best one… He’ll be ready for adoption in three weeks,” the cheerful voice of the adoption agency worker said. Cheryl had always been so kind to them. Tony gripped the phone a little tighter.

            “Actually, there’s something that I need to… that I should say,” Tony spoke up. “There’s been a bit of a situation here, a really tough, uh, family situation. And we may not actually be able to go through with any adoption at this point in time.” After a moment of silence, he added, “Can I call you back in three weeks, when the child is ready? Just in case?”

            “Um… sure, Mr. Stark. I hope things get better for you soon,” Cheryl said, confused. “You know that I only want to see the two of you happy.”

            “I know, thank you for calling,” Tony said. He’d had years to practice a persona, to never let his voice waver or let his face betray that everything was fine and dandy. The mask that he put on was unbreakable. He was raised like that.

            Sighing, Tony put the phone back before he wandered down the hallway and over to Steve’s room. If anyone needed to know, his husband did. Whether or not Steve would be able to hear him, he still deserved to know.

            “Hey babe,” Tony murmured, giving his lover a quick kiss. “There’s something I want to talk with you about. The adoption agency called, and they told me… that they found someone who might fit in well with our family. I don’t know a thing about the child—I’m thankful I don’t, because I don’t want to get attached to an idea when I haven’t even met the child, but…

            “I can’t do this without you. And I’m not _going_ to do it without you. So unless you decide to just _wake up_ already, then… I know you think you have a family, and that it’s what you wanted—I know you wanted a big family. I know that. And I know I haven’t been the easiest to be around all the time, and I know that it’s my problems that have caused us to not have a family already, but… There’s a child that we could start our family with out here in the real world, Steve.

            “And when you decide to wake up, I’m sure there will be more children—there’s always more children who need homes. There’s always going to be a family here for you,” Tony murmured, stroking his thumb across his husband’s cheek. “I love you, Steve. I’ll always love you.”

            Instead of going down to the lab, Tony started going through the new designs in the room, explaining them to Steve in as much detail as he would if the super-soldier was down in his lab with him.

            A knock at the door broke Tony out of his concentration. He looked over to see Bucky standing there.

            “Hey Tony,” Bucky said quietly, wandering over into the room. “I… I need to talk with you.”

            He raised an eyebrow at the super-soldier and gestured for him to come in. There was a nervous, half-smile on Bucky’s face.

            “I need to make sure… that you’re aware of something, okay?” Bucky walked over. His left hand was twitching, and to settle that down, he gripped the end of the bed tightly.

            “What’s on your mind, hot shot?” Tony said. He’d never seen Bucky looking so _worried_ before.

            “I need… I need to make sure that you know something, okay? I need to make sure that you understand that Steve has never loved someone more than he loves you,” Bucky said, his voice strangely calm. That nervous look had turned pleading. “If he _ever_ had to choose between you and Peggy, he would always choose you. Always.”

            “I know,” Tony said, smiling at him. It wasn’t like he was going to lie to Bucky—he knew Steve loved him, and he knew that Steve would choose him over Peggy. Did Bucky think that he _didn’t_ know about how much Steve loved him? He wasn’t clueless.

            “You do? Good. ‘Cause Stevie’s not choosing to stay in that world because he loves Peggy, he’s stuck in that world because they made it so that he didn’t know you existed anymore,” Bucky said. “If he knew you existed… he’d be back in this world before you knew it.”

            “I know he loves me, Buck… but he’s not choosing between me and Peggy,” Tony said calmly. It was the truth. But it wasn’t the _whole_ truth. “Steve isn’t choosing between me and Peggy. He’s choosing between the family that he thinks he knows and something that he can’t even remember. But even if he could, he’d be choosing between me and the family that he always wanted. I wouldn’t blame him for choosing to have a family, Buck.”

            “He _has_ a family,” Bucky snapped, startling the genius. He hadn’t noticed how agitated his words had made the super-soldier. Calmer, he repeated, “He has a family. _We’re_ his family, Tony. You’re the love of his life, and I _know_ that you two put in papers to be able to adopt kids. Steve doesn’t care about blood—kids don’t need to be biologically his, he’ll love them regardless. You two were going to have your own family, with as much love and support as we could give you.”

            “I just want him to be happy, Buck. I know that it’s hard to understand… I want him to wake up more than anyone, but if he’s happy in the world that they gave him… It’s not like he even knows that I exist. If I try to make changes to the simulation, it’s programmed to kill him,” Tony said, looking away from his friend. Of course Bucky understood how much he wanted Steve to wake up— _everyone_ did. But Bucky knew Steve like most others didn’t, he knew things about Steve that even Tony didn’t know.

            “And I do believe that one day he’s going to wake up,” Tony said. “I’ve accepted it, Buck—one day he _will_ wake up. One day he’ll beat that program, and he’ll come back to us. And I just have to be patient until then, because if I’m not, I’ll only hurt him—and that’s the last thing that I’d ever want to do.”

            It was the truth—as truthful as he _could_ be. Whenever he felt so helpless, it was hard to hide secrets inside. There wasn’t anywhere to hide them when people could see right through him, so why hide?

            He couldn’t hide from his family.

            Bucky was trembling as he pulled Tony out of his chair and into a hug. “I never thought he’d find someone so good, Tony. When he first told me that the two of you were a thing, I wasn’t sure what to think. But now that I’ve come to know you, I’m so glad that you’re the one he chose. Sometimes I wonder if Steve’s good enough for you…”

            Tony held his friend, offering as much comfort as he could. For the longest time Bucky had lost his best friend, and now that the two of them were back together they’d vowed never to let anything come between them again. Bucky had been part of the team for two full years now. They had _two years_ before something came between them, something that he couldn’t fix no matter how hard he tried.

            “He’ll be back,” Tony whispered. “I can promise you that. Just give him time. Have a little faith.”

            Bucky’s smile was weak, but he knew that he’d gotten through to the other man.

 

            “I need to know what’s going on, Peggy,” Steve insisted, following his wife to another room. The headaches were getting worse, and when he’d mentioned hearing voices she completely freaked out on him. But that wasn’t all—he was seeing things again. The numbers, the way that things would just, stop, and repeat a second of time back again like that was _normal_.

            “I don’t know what you’re asking of me,” Peggy snapped, and there—again, she looked just like a stranger. Just for a second. He couldn’t explain it.

            “Where’s my team?” Steve demanded.

            “You haven’t had a team since the _war_ , Steve. You gave that up to come stay with me, remember? We both gave it up to have our family,” Peggy said, glaring at him. “But sometimes I get the feeling that it isn’t enough for you, Steven Rogers.”

            “I do have a team… I have a team,” he said, repeating it a few more times. He had names, people he had to find. He needed to know where they were and that they were _safe_. He needed to know that his family was safe.

            His family.

            Wait.

            His family was here, with Peggy. But his team? He needed to know where they were, too.

            “You don’t have a team,” Peggy said, taking his hands. She was talking to him like he was a _child_ , or like he was _crazy_. “We settled down, we had a family, and now we’re just husband and wife. Not agents, not soldiers, just _husband and wife_.”

            Husband and husband. Where was his husband? Hadn’t he… hadn’t he married a man? Because it was legal, as of… 2015, right? No, it was only 1951 right now, that couldn’t possibly be right.

            “Where’s Tony? He’ll know what’s going on,” Steve said, gripping his head when another severe wave of pain hit him hard.

            “Steve, you’re scaring me,” Peggy said, gripping his left hand tighter. “I don’t _know_ a Tony, you’ve never met anyone named Tony. You’re talking crazy, and you’re hearing things, and I don’t know what to do! Are you _trying_ to ruin our family?”

            Family. Where _was_ his family? He needed to see them, he’d never been away from them for so long… how long had it been since he’d last seen them? A few days? A few weeks? Months? _Years?_

            “I-I need to find Tony… he’ll be able to explain all of this,” Steve insisted, trying to pull his hand away from Peggy. He was shocked at how tight of a grip she had on him, and when he tugged again—he was a _super-soldier_ after all—he was shocked to find that he couldn’t get his hand away from her.

            “Don’t ruin our family, Steve,” she pleaded.

            “Papa,” Michael said from the doorway. He was staring at him with those wide, green eyes of his. There were numbers in his eyes. “Don’t leave us, Papa.”

            “We need you,” Mary added. “Please, Papa, please.”

            “Go back to bed, kids,” he spoke up, flinching when their voices seemed to echo with a distinct, machine-like tune.

            “Papa,” the kids repeated, and the youngest started crying from her room.

            It was _so loud_ , he couldn’t think. He just… he needed to find his team, his family. He needed to find Tony.

            Tony.

            Oh God, _Tony_.

            “Peggy,” Steve spoke up, and she looked up into his eyes. Everything fell silent in that moment. “Peggy... I already made my peace with you. You understood… after I took the plane down. You moved on, you had a life.”

            “This is my life,” she insisted, though she had the face of a stranger now.

            “But it’s not mine,” Steve whispered, and the whole world went to hell.

            The children were screaming just as loud as she was, grabbing at him and trying to pull him back, to put him back under their spell, as the numbers started covering everything and slowly rotting it all away. He couldn’t close his eyes, he couldn’t get away from the horror that he had to witness as the entire world fell to nothing but an endless sea of black.

            “Hello?” he tried calling out, but not even his voice echoed back to him.

            There was a sound of a projector starting up before an image appeared before Steve.

            “I knew you’d be able to escape from the simulation eventually,” the man said, and Steve faintly recognized the guy. Hadn’t that man been part of the Hydra plot that he’d been trying to shut down? “There’s just one problem, Steve Rogers, the great Captain America.”

            He paused to stare Steve right in the eye.

            “You were too late. It took you too many years to break out of my code, and when you wake up, you’ll find that you won’t ever get to see your precious Avengers again.”

            His blood ran cold as a feeling of dread started filling him.

            “You’ll be happy to know that Stark never gave up on you, choosing to stay alone and wait for you to wake up. I’m almost sorry you missed his funeral.”

            The dread turned to fiery hot anger. “I’ll kill you! There’s no way… there’s no way that I could’ve lost everyone… I can’t believe it, I won’t believe it… I’ll find you—you’ll pay for what you’ve done.”

            A gravestone clearly marked with the name _Tony Stark_ appeared on the screen for just a second.

            “No!”


	3. Wake Me Up (When It’s All Over)

 

            The worst thing about watching Steve day in and day out was the fact that when something was wrong, Tony was more than likely there to see it. The last time that anything had happened with Steve, Clint had been the one in the room. This time? This time Tony was there.

            “I know I probably shouldn’t have been talking with Cheryl anymore about that kid who’s looking for a foster family and hopefully a forever one, too, but… I couldn’t help it, Steve,” Tony whispered, gently squeezing his hand. His fingers had been twitching earlier, and he wasn’t quite sure if that was a good sign or a bad sign.

            He liked to think that it was a good sign.

            “She said that his name is Peter, and he’s only four years old,” Tony continued, sighing. “I shouldn’t have asked, because he’s not going to be coming here, but… I thought maybe…”

            Maybe if Steve had to choose between a virtual family and a real one… But it wasn’t like Steve had a choice. He didn’t even _know_ , and chances were he couldn’t hear a word. But that didn’t mean that Tony couldn’t _hope_ that Steve was listening.

            “I love you so much… and I really do wish that you’d just wake up already,” Tony whispered. He didn’t have a chance to feel sad, though, because Steve’s heartrate monitor—the one that Tony had _insisted_ stayed on—spiked and started beeping loudly.

            When Tony looked up at Steve’s face, he noticed the pained, angry look that had replaced the peaceful calmness of sleep.

            “Steve? Come on, stay calm,” Tony said, starting to panic. “Jarvis—get Bruce, get _anyone_. I don’t know what’s going on.”

            It was worse than last time when Steve’s expression had just changed, and there had been some glitching on the screen. This time? This time Steve looked like he was in pain, and his hands were shaking.

            “It’s okay, babe, just stay calm,” Tony said, feeling completely helpless. Was it the simulation? Was it crashing? There was no way, it wasn’t possible. He made sure of that. There wasn’t too much power going to the machine, so there would never be a power surge that could cause a crash…

            Bruce came running into the room, and a few seconds after him, the rest of the team joined.

            “What’s wrong?” Bruce asked as he started looking over the machines. Turning his attention to Steve, he murmured, “He’s going into shock…”

            “No, he can’t be. The simulation’s working perfectly,” Tony said, pulling up the data on his tablet. “See? There aren’t any issues at all, I made _sure_ of it.”

            This couldn’t be happening. The _only_ thing that he could do was make sure that the simulation was going to continue working and that it was never going to hurt Steve. That was _all_ he could do. And now? Now he couldn’t even do that right.

            “I’ll check the monitor, maybe see if it can clue us in on what’s going on,” Bucky said, sounding just as nervous as Tony felt. The real issue came when Bucky pressed the button to turn the screen on. The screen _exploded_ , shattering glass everywhere. Thankfully Bucky’s left arm took most of the ‘damage’ and shielded him from the glass. “No… I was only turning it _on_ , I swear—”

            “It’s crashing, it has to be,” Tony said, gripping Steve’s hand tightly. Clint and Natasha both looked like they were in shock.

            “I’m going to see if I can get him calmed down,” Bruce said, going through the medial drawers, no doubt looking for a tranquilizer or something. “The stress can’t be good, and if the system _is_ crashing…”

            The doctor fell silent, not wanting to even suggest the possibility of losing their Captain. Natasha seemed to understand what he was saying as she wandered over to Tony, sticking close by his side. If anything happened, he was going to need her there.

            Things got very bad, very quickly when Steve’s whole body seized up, and he seemed to hold his breath—or he was choking. Tony was trying to keep him still, and there was this horrible feeling inside that this might be the last time he’d ever see Steve alive.

            Right as Bruce prepared the needle and told Bucky to get over to the left side of the bed to hold Steve down so that he could stick the needle into his arm… Steve made a loud gasping noise and was suddenly sitting up far faster than he should’ve been.

            The wires were ripped right out of the machine that was currently attached to Steve’s head, disconnecting him from the simulation in the only way that Tony _couldn’t_ prevent.

            The best thing about watching Steve day in and day out was the fact that he was right there to see those beautiful blue eyes of Steve’s open again.

 

            His whole team was gone. He hadn’t been able to escape from that _stupid_ simulation fast enough, and now it had managed to cost him everything. He hadn’t even _realized_ that he was in a simulation until… until he couldn’t find Tony. Until he didn’t know where his team was. Until he realized that Peggy was _gone_ —he’d been at her funeral, he’d made his peace with her when they’d originally found him.

            How had he even believed for so long that what he saw in that _program_ was real? It felt real. Everything had felt so real, like he’d been living another life entirely. Everything had been the same until… until they found him early, and then he never met Tony or the team or anyone.

            Steve’s eyes flashed open, and he tried to control his breathing. He was panicking, his team was _dead_ , the love of his life was _gone…_ a-and it was all his fault.

            It was his fault.

            Tony was gone because he’d been so absorbed in that simulation that he hadn’t even been able to figure out if that it was all a lie.

            The thought of losing his entire family made the tears fall freely from his eyes, blurring his vision. He was breathing hard, trying to figure out where he was.

            There was a pressure on his hand that made Steve turn to the side. There, standing beside him, still holding his hand and looking at him with a worried, scared expression, was…

            “Tony,” he whispered, not able to believe that his husband was right there. The man had said that he was gone, that the team had died and he’d missed out on _everything_.

            “You’re awake,” Tony said before the shorter man threw himself into Steve’s arms. He hugged Tony like he’d never see him again, like if he let go now he would lose his lover forever.

            “I’m sorry,” he whispered, pressing his face against his husband. He breathed in that warm scent, of coffee and blueberries and… not grease and oil? Tony hadn’t been working in the lab, he could tell. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know… I thought I _lost_ you.”

            “It’s okay,” Tony whispered. It was his voice that Steve had been hearing, when he thought that he was going crazy in the simulation. Tony was always here. Tony was always waiting for him. “Everything’s going to be okay now. You’re awake, you’re _here_.”

            “Steve.” The sound of Bucky’s voice made him turn around, surprised. He looked around and couldn’t hide his joy upon seeing his team was there in the room.

            “You guys… you’re still alive,” he gasped, reaching out with one arm to grip Bucky’s hand. “He said… he said you were all dead, that I didn’t escape fast enough, that I… that I lost all of you.”

            “We’re here,” Tony whispered, kissing him again and again. “I promised that we’d be here, whenever you woke up.”

            Steve gripped Tony tighter. This had to be real, this had to be real. But after the last simulation… this _had_ to be real. “It’s my fault, I wasn’t able to… I’m sorry, I know you can’t forgive something like this—you _shouldn’t_ —”

            “It wasn’t your fault,” Tony whispered, putting his hands on either side of Steve’s face. He pulled Steve’s attention back over to him. The super-soldier was surprised. “I’d never blame you for being stuck in that simulation, Steve, _never_.”

            It was hard to hear, because Steve couldn’t help but blame himself. He couldn’t help but wish that he’d never been put in that simulation, because they made him _forget Tony_.

            “You were missing, and I… I had to figure out where you were,” Steve whispered.

            This felt real. _Tony_ felt real.

            “How long have I…?” Steve took a deep breath and looked his lover in the eye. “How long as this been going on?”

            “Almost a month,” Tony mumbled, snuggling up into Steve’s arms again. “But that’s okay, because you’re back, and everything’s going to be okay. I thought… I thought that the simulation was failing and we were going to lose you forever.”

            The horror in Tony’s eyes told him that it was the truth. The fear that was still lingering in the eyes of his teammates, his family, told him all he needed to know. They thought he was dying, and he thought they were dead.

            “It’ll be okay,” Steve said, trying to keep his voice from sounding as shaky and broken as he felt. This was the real world, that other world had been a simulation. “Tony… I need you to know how much I love you, how I would’ve been awake sooner if they wouldn’t have taken you out of my life. You’re _always_ going to be my first choice—”

            “I love you too, Steve,” Tony whispered. “As long as you’re happy, I’ll be okay—”

            “No,” Steve said firmly. “No, that’s not okay. I need you to understand how much I love you and how I’ll always choose you over anyone else—”

            Tony leaned forward to kiss him, but Steve knew that tactic. Tony was just trying to get him to shut up, and he knew that kissing him was always the best way to get him to stop talking. Instead of pulling away and continuing with what he was saying, Steve gave in and let his husband kiss him. God, how long had it been since he’d just gotten to sit there and kiss his husband as much as he wanted to? Apparently a month, but it felt like _years_.

            It felt like it had been a lifetime since he’d seen Tony, since he’d been able to hold him and kiss him and protect him and _love him._

            “Steve?” Tony whispered, and he turned his attention to those beautiful brown eyes, watching the little flecks of gold as the medical room light made those flecks glow. “I love you. I know you love me. You don’t have to worry.”

            He nodded, and he had to keep his eyes on the man in front of him because when he closed his eyes he could still see that gravestone…

            “The man who did this… he didn’t think that you were ever going to wake up,” Bruce said as the team slowly approached. Steve smiled at them, and they all seemed to relax. “He was convinced that you were going to be stuck in that simulation… forever. But then you seemed to be… struggling against the simulation, and we thought… he said that if we shut down the simulation it was going to kill you, and the only way to get you back was to wait until you woke up…”

            “There was a kill switch in the data,” Tony mumbled. “If I tried to wake you up, it would leave you braindead.”

            “Tony knew you’d be back,” Clint said quietly. They all seemed to want to be able to touch him, to keep a hand on his back or shoulder, to know that he really was there. Steve was fine with it, too—he needed to know that this was real and his teammates really were here.

            “There hasn’t been a single day that he hasn’t been in here, waiting for you, telling you about what’s been going on and about what you’ll be waking up to find,” Natasha said.

            Steve nodded. He heard Tony’s voice—he heard _everyone’s_ voices, he was pretty sure, but Tony’s had been the strongest, the clearest, the loudest, ever-present. Tony grounded him and brought him back.

            “I heard you so many times… I thought I was going crazy, because I was hearing the voice of my husband telling me that he’d always love me, but I thought… I thought Peggy was my _wife_ , so I couldn’t have a _husband_ , but wife just didn’t sound right,” Steve said, hugging Tony close. Losing Peggy had been hard, back when he’d actually lost her. She’d been his last connection, besides Bucky, to his past.

            “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the family that she could.” He must’ve said it so quietly that no one else heard it. The only reason Steve _did_ was because of his enhanced hearing. The slight, pained inhale from Bucky let him know that he’d heard it, too.

            “I love _you_ , Tony. It doesn’t matter that we can’t have kids biologically together. That’s _never_ mattered,” Steve insisted. Tony had always said that he knew and understood that, but if he knew about the family Steve had in the simulation… he couldn’t imagine what that must’ve been like for Tony. “We put in adoption papers, they’re going to call us eventually when they’ve got a kid who can fit into our life. Ours was a hard case, I know that, because we’re superheroes. I wouldn’t trade this life for _anything_ , Tony, I swear that to you.”

            Tony nodded. There was nothing except for love in those gorgeous eyes of his. He was home, and he was home to stay.

            Steve gave Bruce a wary look. “You, uh, aren’t going to have to stick me with that needle, right?”

            The doctor glanced down before he quickly disposed of the needle. “You’re back, and you’re not… seizing… anymore. No—I do need to make sure you’re okay, but… I think we all need you to stay awake for a little while right now.”

            Bruce didn’t know how right he was.

 

            “Steve?” They’d gone to bed at some time past five AM, Tony couldn’t have been completely sure when. The rest of the team had gone to bed around three, but Tony had wanted to stay up and Steve had wanted to hold him, so they’d just spent a while whispering words of comfort and cuddling on their bed.

            “…Yeah?” He wasn’t surprised that Steve wasn’t asleep yet. The super-soldier had told him all about the grave and the fact that the man had programmed in the ‘your whole family is dead and it’s all your fault’ sequence for when he woke up, which had been why he’d been reacting so… _poorly_ to being brought out of the simulation.

            “There’s something I didn’t tell you about earlier,” he admitted, carefully turning around to that instead of having his back pressed up against Steve’s chest with those firm arms wrapped tightly around him, he was face to face with his lover. There was a curiosity in Steve’s eyes that he’d really missed seeing.

            “What is it?” He’d told Steve all about how he had been ready to let him go if it meant that he’d be alive and happy, even if that meant that Tony would never be happy or in love again. Steve had hated that, but he’d admitted that if it had been the other way, he would’ve done the same, because they only wanted the best for one another. That’s what made their bond so strong.

            They’d always fight for their lover’s happiness, even if that happiness wasn’t with them.

            “I talked with Cheryl from the adoption agency a few days ago…” Tony began, unsure of how he wanted to say it. Hey, I know you just woke up, but they’ve got this kid that I’ve already grown emotionally attached to because he’s lost his whole family and he’s a bit of a social outcast because he’s a lot smarter than other kids his age and they don’t like him, plus he’s different because apparently he’s got some early mutant abilities, no doubt caused by stress and trauma at such a young age…

            “Did they… already? They’re already considering us?” Steve asked, awestruck. He looked so enthusiastic about it.

            “I know it can’t be easy after…” …after Steve lost Michael and Mary and Susan and the baby, the children he thought that he had.

            “This is _real_ , Tony,” Steve whispered, though there were tears in his eyes. “That was… They’ll always be in my heart, but they weren’t real. I know that, I understand that, and it’s probably not going to hit me for a while, but… I really do want to start a family with you.”

            “There’s this little boy,” Tony said cautiously, not wanting to sound desperate. “He’s four years old. Originally they weren’t even going to consider us until a little later, some other people have applied earlier, but… Due to some trauma in his life, he’s developed some mutant abilities far earlier than he ever should have, and I know he’s had some trouble controlling them. They don’t think placing him in a foster family would be a smart decision.”

            “We could help him figure out how to control those powers,” Steve offered. The easygoing smile on his face was enough to make Tony relax. “I mean, none of us are mutants, but the Avengers are smart enough—we’ll figure it out. Peter needs a home, and I’m sure they want to set it up as a foster-like situation in the beginning, just to make sure that he’d be a good fit for our family, but… Tony?”

            There was no way… “How’d you know his name was Peter?”

            At first, Steve looked confused, but then a thoughtful look crossed his face. “You told me about him. I remember hearing that name, and it just… it stuck. Just like your name, and Bucky and Bruce and Natasha and Clint and everyone else that I _knew_ but couldn’t quite… place. You told me about him, right?”

            “I did,” Tony whispered. He was right, Steve _was_ able to hear him. Sure, the super-soldier had said that, but now he was completely sure that it was true. Steve knew the name Peter, he knew that he was the orphan who needed a family.

            “How ‘bout we call them in a few hours, after we’ve actually managed to get some sleep? We’ll let them know that we’re _very_ interested in meeting Peter, and… see how things go from there?” That genuine, loving smile that Steve gave him broke something inside.

            Tony pressed his face to his husband’s chest, for the first time actually letting himself cry over the fact that Steve was awake and in his life, that Steve had remembered and chosen him over the family that he could’ve had in the simulation. He’d been so strong and optimistic the entire time, and now? Now he was able to just let it out.

            “Tomorrow,” Tony agreed as Steve kissed his head and held him closer. “We’ll build our own family, Steve.”

            “We will,” Steve promised. “The two of us, together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I was a really evil author I would’ve added this onto the ending:
> 
> When Tony closed his eyes, finally able to fall asleep in his husband’s arms once more, he missed the way that the world around him flickered with green ones and zeroes, just for an instant.


End file.
